Saturday, March 16, 2013

Out there is a Giant

Out there is a Giant



Out there is a Giant.
Out in the back yard,
buried right up to his head!
His hair is sticking up all around,
it looks like a bunch of trees fallen down.
Do you see him buried out there in the ground?
Is it really a Giant?
Was it always there...
or did he suddenly just show up?
Do you think he is hungry? What does he eat?
I really hope not us!
Can he hear the dog barking?
Dad can and he's hollering:
"Pipe that dog down!"
It's a good thing the Giant's got dirt in his ears,
I guess you can't hear dogs bark underground.
I hope we can keep him,
I hope that he likes us,
Hey, I know! Let's name him Steve!
You think there's no Giant out there underground?
Well, I do. I BELIEVE.


Tuesday, March 12, 2013

lessons in civics and flirting

We had a local election today. There was a special vote for the elementary schools, where Ms. E  could decide whether to have a BBQ or a pizza party at the end of school. Very cute lesson in civics and she took it very much to heart and voted with extreme seriousness.
 Z was trying to pick up the clerk attending the booth:
"I go to preschool, where do you go? Do you like Transformers? Would you like to see my transformers sometime?"
Is it strange that a newly minted 5 year old would flirt with the voting booth attendant?
Not in our world.
The first time I witnessed him flirt was last November, when my parents were visiting and we stopped at a restaurant. We were seated by a bubbly, blonde waitress who cooed at the boy and gave us our menus. I looked at my son. He had a funny expression on his face and he said to me, "I think I love that lady."
when she came back, before she could ask anything, Z leans in towards her and said, in his most fancy  voice, " you like macaroni and cheese?... I like macaroni and cheese." and then,         "Do  you like Power Rangers? because I do. I like the Red Ranger." He was batting his eyes and tilting his head and giving her THE SMILE. The one usually reserved for whoever is about to give him a present.
"Oh! aren't you so cute!" Gushed the waitress. My baby brother loves Power Rangers too! What a cute little guy you are!!"
Right there was the end of that romance. Nobody calls Z cute. And nobody calls Z little. Nobody.

Anyway, I couldn't vote because I am not a citizen and E had some questions for me.
"How much of me is Canadian and how much is American?" she asked.
"Half of each." I reply.
"I think I am actually 3/4 American." She said, "Because I don't say "ZED" I say "ZEEEE"."
'Well, you are half American because half of your family comes from the States and half from Canada."
"What is "The States"?"
"It's another way of saying America. It's like a nick name."
And then she stops and looks at me and says: "Don't you nick name America!"
The guy walking out in front of us guffawed out loud.


Thursday, January 31, 2013

 Does anyone else go to put down the toilet seat and hear it literally crack with the dry pee glue that has crystallized since the time your 4 year old son has used the can, and, unable to control the direction of that initial blast has basted the entire back of the toilet with it?
Just wondering.

It is night time and Mr. Z pipes up: I have to go poop. He takes his time. Since I am farting around on the internets, I suddenly realize that over 10 min has passed and he is still "pooping"
"Zac..what is going on in there?"
"Oh, nothing, I'm done." And he scoots back to bed.
I go investigate.
There is toothpaste everywhere. all over the counter, the mirror, the floor and the sink. there is a soaking, dripping towel on the counter and the drawer is full of water. Full.
"Zac, what is all this?"
"I had to was off my Bakugon Robot. He was all toothpasty."
"Why was he like that?'
"Because I was experimenting."
"And the towel, and the mirror and the floor?"
"And the drawer full of water?"
"Oh! That is my robot's swimming pool."
"You need to come in here and clean it up."
"Ok. But can you help me? It is very messy. That is because I ran away."

Mr.Z comes up to me an asks to get his nails painted. "I want blue nail paint!"
"We have no blue, I remember you dumped out the blue on the bathroom floor one day."
"Oh yeah, that is why we don't have it. Because YOU took it away."
"Why did I take it away?"
"Because I dumped it out on the floor....But you STILL took it away."
"So, can I have my nails painted? It was a long time that I dumped it out..."
"Yay! I want blue!"
"We have no blue, remember?"
 "Golden! I want golden nail paint!"
"We also have sparkly..."
"UGH! MUM! Sparkly is for girls! I don't LIKE girl things! Golden nay-als! Da deh da deh! Super fingers!"


Theology with a 6 year old:

"Mum, I was talking with my friend today and she said you need to get bath-tized so that you don't go to bad heaven.
So it is a good thing that I take  a lot of baths, I sure don't want to go to bad heaven."

"Mum, I need to stop and pray for a minute."
"Ok, who are you praying to?"
"God, Mum."
"Who do you think God is?"
"I think God is the Universe, maybe. I just want to say hi."
She whispers something to the sky.
"Ok! I'm done! Do you think God likes jokes?"
"Who doesn't like jokes?"
"Do I get to hear the joke?"
"NO! It's for GOD!"

Miss. E does a lot of singing. She sings more than she talks, which sounds cute, but is actually mind-crackingly intolerable.  We will be at the dinner table and ask about her day or something and she might begin to speak the answer, then she catches herself,
"Oh, wait a minute...1, 2, 3, 4, clap clap clap clap, ooooooooooooooooh! Well, you see Mum! Oh ya! Well you see Dad! Oh ya! Well,  you want to know how my day goes! clap clap clap, Well it goes like this: tsss, tsss t tsss..." Then she will be dissatisfied with her song and have to start over. And if our attention falters during her performance she will become very annoyed. Also, we are not allowed to join in, and no one else gets to sing. All in all it is highly unfair.

Tuesday, January 22, 2013

Seat belt

Funny story:

Not so long ago, the kids thought it was very funny to unbuckle themselves in the car while we were driving. They wouldn't listen to my pleas for safety. What was I to do? I told them that it was against the law to ride in the car with no buckle. Well, I actually told then that the police would take them to jail if they kept unbuckling themselves. ("against the law" holds no real meaning for them, but "Going to jail" is grown-up time out, so they get that.)
That seemed to solve it.
One day we were out on a drive and Dad started to pull out of a parking space while Zac was still buckling himself.
Oh my, the panic that ensued!
Dennis looked at me and asked, "Why is Z hyperventilating about being taken to jail because he is not buckled?"
"Hmmmm?" I replied, then, "Well... I had no other options!"
"Way to instill fear of authority figures, Munday. Nice to know they are growing up with a healthy relationship towards the police."
"They get buckled now though, so that's good, right?"

I am a terrible mother.