Monday, December 19, 2011

full-tilt ramble

Whoops! Dropped out of communication again. I was prompted back into making a dispatch due to the encouraging words of friends who wondered why I stopped. But a lot of time has passed and a lot of things have happened and the voices in my head are making it hard to hear the voices in my head so this will have to be point form.

-Back in October I had a terrific trip to Alberta with the kids.
-I wish very much that we were closer to my family.  I don't like  missing out on all that day to day stuff.
-E & Z got along smashingly with their cousins.
Ok, forget the point form. I am going full-tilt ramble...

It is less than a week before Christmas and my cards are all sitting in a bag on the table, not completely finished. I discovered when I wrote my  little newsletter that I dated it 2010. The document also includes grammatical and syntax errors. But of course I spent money on printing the things out before I properly proof read and damned if I am not going to send them. (Some will be sent accompanied by last year's Christmas cards which I rediscovered while doing this year's cards. Just to add to the confusion.) So be warned: If you receive a late Christmas card from me, you are not in a time warp. And I do know how to write a sentence. And I probably lost your address or wrote the wrong one down anyway.

Which brings me to my next thing: appropriate behavior and why I suck at it. This is plaguing me.
The latest comment of idiocy came just the weekend before last.
I was spending the night at a cabin in Maine. To celebrate life and mourn the recent death of a dear friend's mother. Not really a good time to be an idiot, right?
Weell,  a lovely dinner and some red wine, lively conversation, jokes, then someone brought out some glamour mags and we idled through them making fun. Celebrities came up and I started in. I believe I made a statement declaring them un-human and therefore I viewed them with complete dis compassion. (Except for the passionate loathing at being sucked in at the check out counter.)  They are like a hologram.  I think I actually said something like, "If a celebrity dies, I don't care." Way to go nimrod. I remember an awkward moment then some kind friend smoothed it over and the night went on.
Ever since though, I have wondered...
 Why would I say that? What a bad, ill-timed joke. Do I really think these people are not people? That is how Sarajevo happened. and Rwanda. and  the Nazi's and serial killers . The lack of humanity. I displayed my ability to completely dehumanize another person on this earth. I was joking, but I still said it.  Now I feel like writing a letter to Brangelina to tell them I am sorry I dehumanized them. And also, at my friends retreat?? I mean, come on! Poor taste. Poor, poor taste. So I suppose I am not a sociopath as I have been wracked with guilt about it and that prompted me to do some serious self-evaluation, which involved pondering the human status of nobel prize winners and astronauts and authors and Arab Spring protesters and Steve Jobs and displaced refugee camp dwellers... all whom I feel great humanity for, but why not celebrities?  I heard something about Taylor Swift (that singer/celebrity) being one of the nicest, kindest people, someone who the interviewer said she would like her daughter to emulate, and I thought about Matt Damon, I mean everyone loves Matt Damon. He is like super guy, going around India helping people get clean water, being socially conscious and kind and I was struck with the sense that I am prone to social incompetence, and that is pretty sad. Thanks a lot, celebrities. (Hey! Got to blame somebody eh?) Ok, Fine! I take the blame.

Other instances of social incompetence:
- I was the only female invited to a stag party where I sang "amazing grace" and ruined the party. (Apparantly that song makes dudes totally squirm.)
- My husband brought home some guys from work, telling them how cool and great his wife was and I came home in a bad mood and riuned his man party by way of bad and ill-timed jokes. Now they think I'm a harpy.
-While trying to play Christmas music at the farmer's market, I kept choking up and actually had to stop all together and play only kids songs. (Why do I DO that?!)

And that was just last week's list. (not really, but you see where I am going here.) I think I could use some lessons on how to be a proper human.

On that note, I would like to thank all my friends and family who keep sticking by me and my Hubs who has to spend the rest of his life with me. God bless you every one.



  1. Karen, I love and accept you for exactly who you are.

  2. Karen, I not only accept you exactly the way you are, I admire you in so many ways it tires me to even think about numerating them!