Friday, October 19, 2012

random snippetts

Z: I'm never going to sleep again!
Me: Remember, the only way you can get bigger and stronger is if you sleep. If you choose not to sleep, you are choosing not to grow. If you want to be Shrimpy McShorty pants, that's up to you.
Z: I am not SHORT! I am not LITTLE!
Me: Your choice makes it so.
Z: ....What?
Me: Goodnight buddy.
Z: ....Your choice makes it so?...What does that mean?
Me: "You have the power." 
Z: "I have the POWER? What does that MEAN?!"
Me: "Go to sleep and you will find out."
Z: "Well... ok, I'll do it!"

After listening to the boy shriek at the girl (again) for "getting in on HIS side of the car." Exasperated Mum announces: "OK! Lookit! Now you are giving ME your bad mood! Does anyone like it when Mum is in a bad mood!?"
Wide eyed head shakes , "NO!"
"What gives Mum a bad mood?"
"When we don't behaving." Says The Boy.
Girl : Mum. it's not fair to us if you are in a bad mood. Because that makes US be in a bad mood.
Boy: Yeah, not nice for YOU Mum!
Me: Terrific! Now we are in a bad mood vortex. Let's all stay grumpy forever starting now.
"NO!" Giggles.
( I love it when it is that easy. Sometimes I have to resort to singing Opera style.) When I really REALLY want to snap all over their squabbling little screech-faces, if I, instead of yelling, sing my message like her:

Then there is no way they can maintain their fight. My handsome husband does it too. He is even better at it than I am.
We are a noisy, noisy people.

Z: I think If I electrocute butterflies, they will turn into Gremlins.

E: I like throwing frisbies into the wind. it's like playing catch with THE GOD

What is it about the need to poop JUST as we are leaving the house to get the boy to school? It is like some kind pf imbedded reflex.  Just as we are putting on our shoes, and with no time to spare he declares: OOPS! I need to POOP!
after a while..."Hey, buddy, finish pooping. We have to go!"
He responds, shocked, "How do you know I am pooping?  If I flush the toilet while I poop, my bum gets cleaned by flush water and I don't have to wipe.
Why do I poop? If I push really hard when I poop, will it come out my eyes? I feel it in my eyes."
"If I was in the desert, could I eat my poop?" ...

"You are going to have a birthday soon, Z! What would you like to do for your birthday?"
"Play know, and other stuff that I want to do."
"Who do you want to invite?"
"Santa Clause....not the Easter Bunny....OH! but the Tooth Fairy!"
E: "The tooth fairy might want tooth cake."
Z: Maybe not the Tooth Fairy then. But God can come. And Thor and Spiderman. And that's all!

Attention Children:
Coat hangers are NOT boomerangs!
Pot lids are NOT to be used as flying saucers or shields!
The dog is NOT a horse and CANNOT be ridden!
We play piano with our fingers. NOT our feet or heads!
And those little white things with strings attached in Mum's bathroom cabinet? Those are NOT earplugs. And please stop whizzing them around your head by the string and releasing them.
Z: Then what are they for?
E: They are for catching Mum's eggs
Z: WHAT? Mum is not a chicken! Or a Duck!
E: She still has eggs.
Z: Mum is weird.

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