Wednesday, April 4, 2012

An open letter to those parents.

To the parents of the boys who actually, really think they are animals and mark their territory the same way wolves do: I understand.

To those who have boys who have figured out how to climb up door jams, refrigerators, wall moulding, vehicles, the awnings on top of swingsets (yes, I mean those sunshade, not-to-be-climbed awnings.), because they are also Spiderman: I understand.

To those who have witnessed their boy scream and throw a bananna across the room because it broke when he was peeling it: Yup.

To those whose boys spent their potty training summer sneaking out to poop in the yard because it was so funny to watch the dog eat it: You bet.
When that boy proudly comes to you and says,"MOM! I got into you car, and I POOPED in it!!" : Also yup.

To the parents who had to hide the sugar because the boy kept sneaking off with the jar so he could gobble as much as he could behind the chesterfield before he got caught: "Sigh" umhmm.

To the parents who discovered their son had eaten ALL the candycanes on the christmas tree, then some jelly beans, then all the other candy out of everyone else's stocking and then threw up under the table, then upon showing it to you, discovered a whole jellybean in that mess and tried to eat it: Oh, you too?

To the parents whose boy is incredibly strong and willful, who have had their glasses knocked off their faces, been punched and kicked and screamed at whilst their boy is inside out with some kind of toddler fury, in a very public and usually quiet place so EVERYONE can witness: I feel your pain.

To the parents whom other parents have looked upon in horror over what their son has just done. I know, I know.

To the parents who have recieved calls from preschools telling them their son had been sent out of gym because he defies instructors and just clobbered someone: Yeah, that.

To the parents who were informed that the policy of childcare at the gym they go to is being changed because of their kids: Tell me about it.

To the parents of boys who insist on stuffing their hands in their pockets while they run up stone steps, resulting in a nasty faceplant, blood, swelling, tears and screams:  In a few days the swelling will go down.

To the parents of the boys who never walk but instead run, leap, blast off or spin, every movement accompanied by a sound effect: The sound effects are awesome, right?

To those who have boys who literally bounce off the walls and have to be run outside for a minimun of two hours a day every day, in all weather, or else: At least you get fresh air, right?

To the ones who have boys that at 3yrs have  photographic memory of their grandparents house who live across the continent and whose house has only been visited once before, and wonder why stuff had been moved around: I am also amazed.

To the parents who have witnessed their boy figure out child locks and adult locks,  who have seen the result of dumped out shampoo and dirt "experiments", who see their son turn anything in his hand into a sword,  figure out how a tractor works, wear a princess dress and tiara whilst wielding a sword, stick and snowboots hollering,"I am lightning of the WORLD!!!!" Those who have seen constant eating of boogers, protecting of boobies, asking of a story then telling you exactly what to say and expecting you to repeat it verbatum, 

To those parents: I know what you are living with.  I know the wonderful and the horrible things litte boys like this can do. We live for those calm moments when that little mass of energy barely contained in that tiny body is still and we get a super-cuddle and a soft, "Mama, I love you."

To those parents, I understand.

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