Friday, September 2, 2011

Urinary misdemeanors

"MUM! Zac peed on the picnic table and on the bench!" When I go out to inspect the damage, there is a guilty  Zac sitting beside a suspicious looking puddle, the gears visibly turning in his head.
"it's not pee Mum! A very small cloud rained right here! Aber did it! It is juice! Emma did it! It was not me, Mum, Daddy did it! The, the Big Bad Wolf did it!" and there it was settled.  Zac even got upset at the Big Bad Wolf while he cleaned up the pee for not using the potty and making big yucky messes for Zac to clean up.

Zac has some figuring out to do with his flamboyant peeing experiments. He has peed on the kitchen table, on the stairs, on top of the toilet, in a little playing cards box (which he very carefully gave to me, like some sort of rare elixir: "Look Maam, it didn't spill!") He has peed whilst under the laundry basket thinking it was his den and he was a  bear marking his territory.(Which is a repeat offence, as foxes and wolves also den in the laundry basket and mark their territory.)  He has peed on toys,the front steps, the back porch,every sink in our house, tires, ant hills... At least he is starting to keep his clothes on now. The peeing used to accompany a streaking bonanza, with Zac zooming all over the place, naked, stopping only to pee on things. I sought help on the Internet for chrissakes. Peeing on the dog, trying to pee while riding his bike, more successfully peeing while riding his scooter. You might ask where was his mother while he was riding his bike and peeing? I was right there but somehow he ninja peed and I was too late. I suppose all boys pee on things, heck, if I could I would pee on an ant hill too, but the delight he takes in peeing is costing a toll on my sanity. "Other kids don't do this." I think to myself, looking around in puzzlement and despair, and I spy by husband taking a leak off the tree house. I 'm not laying the blame on him per say, but I do remember when Emma was potty training, we noticed her digressing. She would just stand outside, perfectly still, and pee herself. After much coaxing, she explained that she just "Wanted to pee like Daddy" Makes perfect sense.
 Now, I don't want to squelch Zac's foundling male spirit, but this has to end. Next week he is going to preschool and I don't want his teacher calling with reports of  urinary misdemeanors. I tell him that Ninjas always use the potty, remind him that he can pretend to be an bear but he is actually a human and humans need to use the potty.  and he is a great big boy now and if he wants to go to school he will have to use the potty every single time! But really what can you do. I am sure this is a life long joy that the males of the species all share. Now excuse me, I'm going to go pee outside somewhere.

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