Monday, January 16, 2012

The five stages of grief, plus crackers!



After visiting the sledding hill on a cold day, we go shopping! (Mistake)
At grocery store- Kids are choosing baskets because we were "Just going to pick up a few things" (Mistake)
3 year old spends much time choosing which basket to use. Must. Have. Perfect. Basket. Begins to panic because sister might have gotten a better basket.
Dad offers to get a cart, but we are so into this basket decision making (thereby giving it MUCH power) that Mom says, "NOPE" to the cart. We will Basket. (Mistake) Dad rolls eyes and enters store.
Basket is chosen, we move on.
A few steps into the store, 3 year old starts grabbing things randomly. Packets of powdered smoothie mix? Yup.
Holder for onion? Yup. Other useless things that are displayed at knee level? Why certainly!
Mom has little huddle with 3 year old to explain why the stuff has to be put back. (Mistake)
Mom gets better idea and asks 3 year old if he remembers what we came to buy.
3 year old remembers!
"Are those things in the basket?"
"NO!"
"What are all these things doing in the basket?! Silly things! Lets put them back and get the stuff we came for! Here we go!"
Meanwhile Dad and 5 year old are deep into the store, unsupervised, with no list.
Every few steps 3 year old remembers something else "we came here to buy" so we repeat the above huddle. Many times.
Now 3 year old is getting miffed that his "rememberings" are being disregarded.
We walk past soup stand.
3 year old wants the soup tureen.
"That lives here and holds the soup, we can't take that"
Remember that panic that began to emerge over the basket? It shows up again.
Mom spots packages of oyster crackers. "Here, you want to carry this?"(Mistake)
"OK!"
"Don't open them until they get booped by the checkout human."
"OK!"
"These cost 10c, you could use your responsibility chart money to buy these."
"OK!"
5 year old has wandered round: "Where are you guys! What is that? I want some too! Can I have some?"
"Yes, yes, here you go."(Mistake)
It devolves from there. Kids too tired for grocery store(Mistake) = A bit of running, a bit of laying down and rolling, unloading and loading of baskets, some grabbing, poking,switching baskets, begging, ditching baskets, and all met with mere warnings. (Mistake!) Kids are snarky, Mom is done and Dad's eyes are threatening to roll out of his head.
By the time we get out of there with our "few things" 3 year old has has moved on to deep explorations of his nasal passages. He has forgotten all about those crackers. 5 year old did not forget about crackers. No big deal. (MISTAKE!)
"OK! We are good, right! Now, we go!"
In the car, 5 year old opens her crackers.
3 year old: "Where's my crackers?"
"You didn't want yours, remember?"
"Yes, but where are my crackers?"
"You left them in the store."
"Go back and get my crackers!"
5 year old: "Do you want to share mine?"
"NO! I DON'T want your CRACKERS! I want MY CRACKERS....MOM!"
"You made your choice, you left them in the store and that's that. No crackers kiddo."
MY CRACKERS! I'M MAD! YOU ARE A STINKY MOM! I DON'T LIKE YOU MOM! I WANT MY CRACKERS! oH CRACKERY!
"Your crackers are gone."
"THEY ARE NOT GONE!"(Denial)
3 year old works himself up into a fine snit. Panting and growling like an animal, pounding his fists, calling me out on my smelliness, wailing for his crackers.(Anger)
"Get my crackers for me, mom. Please turn the car around and go back and get my crackers! Please mummy? Please? Please!" (Bargaining)

 He is so bent out of shape, it kind of cracks us up.(Because we are horrible people.)
We try to hide it. We try to ride it out. The kids is wiped  and just needs to fall asleep. But until that happens, this will continue, unfortunately.  Dad is driving, so his face is hidden from the kids and he keeps looking over at me and I and I am trying to hide my face in my coat so he doesn't see me, but he does. (Mistake)
"OOOOH MOM! YOU LAUGH AT ME! YOU MEAN, STINKY, POOPY, MEAN MOM! MOM! STUPID!!!!"
"oH OH, Zac. Those words are on the no say list! You will have to do some real thinking about this by yourself when we get home." (Mistake- why throw gasoline on a fire? Why?)
"OOOOH POOPY,STINKY, MEAN, STUPID, STUPID, POOP, STINKY MOM! I. WANT. MY. CRACKERYS!!!" (Anger revisited)
"OOOOH my crackerys....my crackerys.....ooooh.) (Depression)
Then he passed out.
He was very contrite when he woke up.
Crackers didn't come up for the rest of the day.
Before bed that night though, he wispered,"I'm sad about my crackers, mom"
"Do you understand why you don't have them?"
"Because I lost them myself in the store."
"Maybe next time, ok?"
"wwwwwwwwwwoooooooookkkkkaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyy" said he.(Acceptance)
And there you go.







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